Essays
by chihana
Summary: Something I wrote ages ago. Not to be taken seriously.
1. Chapter 1

These are a serie of essays I wrote in highschool for my English classes. Somehow all of them ended up concaining Winnie the Pooh in them. Not to be taken seriously.

People who follow me for the bat fic: I've almost finished next chapter (I'm sorry I'm so late!), but first I'll upload these. 13 chapters, feel free to ignore them. And please forgive me.

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**Prompt: A turning point in your life. A point in your life that was important to you.**

The most important time in my life was, without any doubt, the first time I saw the awful and terrible Winnie the Pooh. I was only seven years old. One nice summer morning, my gradmother turned on the TV. And then I was it. Right in front of my eyes. Staring at me.

"W...what is *that*, grandma?" I asked with tremulous voice.

"Oh, it's that cute Winnie the Pooh, it's very educational" my grandmother answered.

But I knew the truth. I was the only one who did. That evil orange bear, with its little, treacherous eyes, planned to conquer the world -and kill us all in the process.

With its stupid songs, the World's children would want to eat honey. They'd become addicted to honey, and they'll search for it. They'll go mad for it. They'll kill for it. Winnie the Pooh would give them all the honey he has stored, and then, the children would join their crazed, bloodthristy army. And doom us.

Because of that, I've decided to spend my whole life fighting against Winnie the Pooh. Join the resistance, or the world will become a devastated place consumed by the greed of that creature.


	2. Chapter 2

**Prompt: Violence in modern society: causes and cures**

There is a lot of violence in our society. Murders, robberies, we see those everyday in the news. Psychologists insist that children are being influenced by TV and videogames.

But that's a lie. We know the truth. The cause of all this is Winnie the Pooh, who uses subliminal messages in cartoons that kids watch. Before they turn five it's already too late.

In fact, all the cartoons, games, and music made for children are full of Winnie the Pooh's wickedness. The only way to protect the children is to lock them all in basements until they are twenty. This way, they won't get tarnished by Pooh's influence and all violence will vanish.


	3. Chapter 3

**Prompt: What should be done about private traffic in cities?**

Private traffic in cities shouldn't be controled, but destroyed. All our cities are becoming noisier day after day, and we can feel it in our health. There has never been so many different illnesses in so little space.

That's all part of Winnie the Pooh's evil plan to conquer the world! He's increasing traffic, making all us citizends stressed and moody. Soon he'll start killing us and we won't be able to defend ourselves.

We must make traffic dissapear, and be prepared for the final showdown against Pooh's forces!


	4. Chapter 4

**Prompt: Money isn't everything**

Is money the most important thing in our life? That's a difficult question. Some people believe that it's true. Others, that there are more important things, like love, effort, love, knowledge, and love. They must have watched some preposterous films when they were younger.

But in reality, money is evil! It's a tool that Winnie the Pooh uses in order to control us! The richest people in the world, they are all Pooh's loyal servants.

Pooh's has realized that subliminal messages in children cartoons only reach young kids, and in order to control the rest of the world Pooh needs to control what people wants. Kids already want honey, that's no problem for Pooh, and people who want love want their stupid films -obviously, Pooh owns all Hollywood. And what does eveybody else want? Money.

There is only a way to escape from his control: go away, far away, in spaceships, to other planets, and live happily there. With communism.

There is no other way.


	5. Chapter 5

**Prompt: What qualities should a teacher have?**

Nowadays, teacher's work is becoming more difficult because of the pupil's bad behaviour, clearly induced by Winnie the Pooh's trickery. Students are always doing anything what they want. It's such a shame teachers aren't allowed to yell or punish their pupils like in the good old times.

Since the things are like this, a teacher must learn to have power over their students through other ways in order to make them obey. Maybe they'll need to become a new Pooh for the kids.

But what is clear is that without effort and passion in the fight against Winnie the Pooh's evil influence, teachers will never get a good class. And will never help to make this a better world.

**Extra: An apology to one of your teachers.**

Please teacher! I have something to tell you! I'm very, very sorry, I know I should have never set fire to your house, but I was under Winnie the Pooh's wicked influence! I promise you, I'll never do it again! And the other day, when I insulted you on the national television, well that wasn't Pooh that was me alone. But I won't do it again either! Please, forgive me! Pleaseeee-


	6. Chapter 6

**Prompt: Should teenagers be allowed to drive?**

Some people say that teenagers before the age of eighteen should be allowed to drive like in other countries. And of course, anything that exist in any other country is better that what we have here. Always.

But we should seriously think it twice: young people are crazy! They drink, they don't study, and they are always doing all sort of evil things because their minds are controlled by Winnie the Pooh.

Teenagers are strange creatures with strange thoughts, one step away from joining Winnie the Pooh at any given moment, and they should never allowed to control any kind of vehicle. Even if they get older, they won't stop being mind controlled by Pooh. People in other countries aren't aware of that, but that doesn't mean we shall do the same.

**Extra: Your friend wants to drive while he's drunk.**

Well, my friend, you really shouldn't have drank this much. I don't even understand how did you managed to finish those three bottles all by yourself. And you don't even have a driving license either, where did you get that car? Anyways, we can't worry about that right now. Here, get the keys, we are late, you drive.


	7. Chapter 7

**Start with this sentence: The day of the examination had come; he not only knew it, but felt it.**

The day of the examination had come; he not only knew it, but felt it. He stared at the clock. 5:00am. Lucas was surrounded by his school books, which he had been studying the day before. And the day before that. And the whole year before that morning. He had been trying to sleep for 3 hours, but it was no use. So he sat again at his desk and went back to studying again.

Some hours later he was driving the bus with all his classmates. None of them were able to speak. Everybody was staring at nowhere, with their hands trembling. Suddenly the bus stopped. They were there. Everybody started screaming.

A bit later they took their exams, their eyes full of fear and doubt. Lucas sat down and read the first question.

"Our Lord and Saviour Winnie the Pooh's biography."

With the doubt completely erased from his mind, Lucas started writting.


	8. Chapter 8

**End with this sentence: And I decided that this should be my excuse for not turning up, but would anyone believe me?**

I woke up at the sound of my ultra modern clock calendary thingy thing screaming "Today it's Peter's birthday"  
Stupid technology. It shut up really fast after I punched it.

"I hate Peter!" I screamed through the window. "And I hate his birthday!"

A man who was walking past my house congratulated me. I tried to calm down. Peter was -is- a cousin of mine. And I can't stand him. He is a rich boy, completely spoiled, and I could never afford to buy him a good birthday present. Not like I wanted to either.

So I thought, thought and thought, trying to find a way to avoid his birthday party. I spent all day thinking, and before I realized -since after punching that thing I didn't have a clock anymore- the sun was going down. I only had like thirty minutes left, so I wrote a message to my mother:

"We have your son Lucas. Unless you cancel Peter's birthday party, you'll never see him again. Yours faithfully,

Winnie the Pooh"

And I decided that this should be my excuse for not turning up, but would anyone believe me?


	9. Chapter 9

**End with this sentence: I left the managers office, relieved that the interview was over.**

Yesterday was an awful, terrible, miserable day. Yesterday was the day when I was rejected for a job for the 45th time.

The morning was an ugly one: rainy and dark. I woke up late -still hadn't replaced the punched clock thing-, dressed up as fast as I could, and ran to get the bus that would take me to the office. There, I realized that everybody was staring at me. I looked at myself then, and I realized that I was wearing a Winnie the Pooh costume.

I shouldn't have gotten dressed all that fast.

But let's get back to the story. In the bus, everybody was staring at me. Everybody including the driver, and somehow we managed to crash into some kind of historical thing of sorts. While the ambulances arrived, I looked at my watch. There was no time left to change my clothes, so I ran to the office.

When I arrived, the secretary stared at me in disbelief -I had gotten that kind of look a lot that time so it wouldn't undermine my confidence- but she was obviously a pro and she told me where to go.

The manager stared at me, too.

Then he kept staring.

Some minutes later he cleared his throat. Then, some minutes more passed.

"So... which kind of job were you looking for, Mr... Lucas?"

"Undertaker" I answered quickly. "Do you want to see a demostration of my skills? I'm the best at it, I promise"

The manager turned pale when I showed him the shovel that I had brought with me, and yelled, calling security. A dozen of guards appeared, but I knocked everyone out with my shovel -I told you I was the best- and I left the managers office, relieved that the interview was over.


	10. Chapter 10

**Prompt: The internet**

The internet has become a very useful tool. We can use it for our homework, to stay in touch with our friends, etc. But it has some important risks. As you might already know, there is a certain evil bear trying to conquer the world.

And tons of webpages are being controlled by him. It's Winnie the Pooh's evil virtual empire! Pooh already owns most popular webs: Wikipedia, Youtube... they are all under his control! Even spam is full of it's subliminal messages!

Because of that, us, the Resistance, must create virus in order to destroy the internet, so we'll be able to sleep without fear...

...for some time, at least.


	11. Chapter 11

**Prompt: Cybercrime**

Lucas had never thought that he would became a victim of cybercrime, but he was wrong. One day, as he arrived at highschool, he found lots of people laughing and laughing with a picture on their hands. He didn't pay any attention to it, and a friend told him that his cousin Peter had uploaded a pic to Facebook and within hours everybody had a copy.

Lucas picked up one that someone had left behind and looked at it. It was a pic of Lucas from the day he went looking for a job dressed as Winnie the Pooh! He had needed the money, but hoped that nobody would ever know about it.

And then, Lucas decided to show Peter how skilled was he as an undertaker.


	12. Chapter 12

**Prompt: What dangers is the enviroment facing?**

Nowadays the environment is in a very dangerous situation: Winnie the Pooh is determined to destroy it!

Everybody knows about global warming, but the truth is that it doesn't exist. Pooh is using charities to persuade everybody, but it's all a big fat lie. Earth's temperature isn't increasing.

There are only some heroes left protecting our planet: rich people and big companies. They keep spending fuel in their private jets and polluting in their factories, increasing the greenhouse effect and avoiding the start of a new Ice Age.

If we stop it, Earth will get frozen and Pooh will become the last living creature; he's a plushie and doesn't care about the cold!

Let's all pollute and save the world!


	13. Chapter 13

**Prompt: Violence in Media Entertaiment.**

Nowadays, violence on TV and movies has increased dramatically, and some people believe that it should be banned. Childrens are watching tons of beatings and murders everyday.

But the truth is that violence is educative. Our lifes are peaceful and boring. Children aren't even allowed to kill a fly. Psychologist insist that kids who do that become serial killers when they get older, and of course parents don't want to raise a little psycho.

But one day, Winnie the Pooh will try to conquer us, and the children of Earth will be the ones to fight him. TV is the only way they can learn how to do that. Therefore violence shouldn't be banned, but promoted.


End file.
